When it doesn’t go as planned
I think I tried to block out the reality that I had signed up to run 26.2 miles, and actually had to do it. Weeks leading up to March 17th, I started to notice I was not feeling confident enough. My left glute was experiencing flare ups whenever I’d run over a certain amount of miles. 5 weeks prior, I attempted to run 18 miles (the longest I had ever run), and I remember thinking “if I can do this, what’s another 8 more?” My friend James & I headed out to run towards Huntington Beach then loop back around to head to our parking space. We did our stretches, started off at a slow pace, and everything felt like it was going to plan for the first 6 miles. I remember not checking my watch, and enjoying the head nods to runners we’d pass (my favorite thing is the small human interactions with strangers).
Around 9 miles is when it hit me, a sudden heaviness in my chest, my glute throbbing, and a feeling of defeat settled in. I remember texting a friend that I was feeling disappointed and started to feel tears build up. As someone who always wants to hit a goal that I set out for, I was being extremely hard on myself. It happens. Runs won’t always go as planned, but with every run no matter the mileage, celebrate the effort that goes into it. Around mile 10, I had to switch the narrative and decided to just do intervals of walking then running. Feeling upset over not hitting 18 was valid, but I also forgot to remember there were days where I couldn’t even run 1 mile non-stop. The day was beautiful, but my headspace was clouded with my own judgment. Don’t trust your brain when this happens, and instead acknowledge the feeling then let it pass – there might be new revelations you need on the other side of the negative headspace. These were thoughts I immediately wrote down on my notes app:
When things don’t go as planned, don’t throw out all the effort.
If you’re getting into running, weight training is important. (Remember how you’re feeling now, my lungs, fuel, rest and carb loading was great but my cramp on my left glute keeps making itself known because I’m not strengthening it as I should be)
It’s okay to walk – literally it’s okay.
It won’t always be your day, but there’s always a reason to honor achievements – and this day, the achievement was how my mind validated my emotions yet helped me realize I could find a solution to make this work out.
Don’t let it mess up your mood
Learn to be proud of the small things that really aren’t small - be glad you were able to get dressed and out the door. You’ll get it next time…and anyway here’s a photo of what did go well the rest of the day! : )
